Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Black Will Be White, And The White Will Be Black, But The Blues Are Still Blue

I dislike photographers. they think they're so cool and that they're unique and brilliant, and so few of them are. that's the thing about photography, it doesn't take any skill, you just have to have good ideas. there are a few tricks to learn, but the process of actually taking a picture doesn't take any expertise, just point and shoot. and it's so simple to take good pictures of people, just get really close to them and put them at the bottom right hand of the screen, and tell them to look off into the distance to the left. make it black and white and now you're an artist. and it's lame that people spend all their money on expensive cameras when they've never even taken a roll of film before in their life. i just wish i didn't find photography so fun. i'm just sick of all the phonies.
i need to force myself to read. i like it so much, but it's so much easier to play a video game, and i just gotta stop myself.
blah, i don't have anything much to say, i just didn't want to forget the title to the blog entry by the time i was actually gonna have something to say.
hanging out with darya was rad, i just wish i wasn't so awkward sometimes. i did learn a new card game called the lemon which is awesome and is a two player game, which there aren't many of. we watched deathproof, which was the Quentin Tarentino movie that was in grindhouse. the beginning story was good, but the story about the girls getting the car and ditching their cheerleader friend with a rapist was so dumb. so really, only the first half was interesting. i got such a bad sunburn hanging out at the beach with her. it's still red, but luckily the pain went away today. mmmm melenoma.

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Cup Of Tea She Would've Meant To No One. A Cup Of Tea She Would've Meant To Me.

Two blog entries in two consecutive days?! what!?
i was hanging out with elijah, billy, and this other person i just met named harry (which is a horrible name) today and it was eye opening. Billy was saying how he wanted a tattoo of a celtic cross big enough so that he could tattoo a portrait of his four sibling on each of the points of the cross, and i said, "that's stupid." and he punched me hard in the elbow. he instantly said sorry, laughed, and said i could punch him back, but it wasn't about the punch at all. my brother was talking recently about how he doesn't like hanging out with a lot of friends and he didn't want to hang out with them anymore, which has been happening to me a lot as well, and he articulated what we both thought so well. he said that he couldn't learn anything from the fake friends he had, that he had no way to look up to them and that they were just people who liked to do the same things that he liked to do. i don't think i have anything to learn from billy and i don't want to hang out with him. that sounds really pretentious, which is an overused blog word, but if i'm gonna spend my precious time on people i don't want it to be sacrifice, i want it to be valuable to me. cause let's face it, like bob dylan said, "those not busy being born are busy dying," and i don't want to spend something so valueable as my life on something i don't enjoy in any aspect.
I know you don't read this blog (if you do please comment my myspace or whatever, so that i know you do read it from time to time), but i just want to say i'm sorry Matt Anderson. you give me so many CD's and i barely listen to any of them. i was listening to my library two hours ago on random and If You're Feeling Sinister came up by belle and sebastian, and now i'm already in love with the CD. Since i know you're reading this download the CD Gracie, it's amazing! listening to the song the album is named after, it's incredible. so yes, sorry for being so lame and not watching you're movie or music you gave me instantly.
you probably don't read this blog anymore, but if you do, it's not because i don't want to talk to you that i'm not putting forth any effort to communicate, i'm just irrational and sometimes don't respond to myspace messages cause i just don't "have the energy" to respond to them instantly and then forget. so yah, sorry for that erika :/ . to be honest though, i was getting fed up at prom because you were being all melodramatic with jane, even though we both agreed to go as friends. and then, when you grabbed my arm with your nails, it actually really hurt and pissed me off. now you're all like, oh sorry, but don't be, again, it's not because of these inconsequential things that i'm not talking to, i'm just consistently lethargic and dumb, and i had fun during prom overall. i'm just glad we all went to santa cruz diner afterwards, cause that coffee cheered me up, as usual. i'm an addict, it's true.
Gracie, you're rad, stop saying you're undateable and ugly, or stupid shit like that. i'm sure that they were just fleeting thoughts, but those shouldn't even be entertained cause you know it's not true, and you just want to feel bad about yourself, cause it's easy and makes you feel like you don't have to try. you're freaking hilarious, have good taste in just about everything, and are easy to talk to, so just shut up and stop feeling bad about yourself.
Emma, you make me angry, and you probably don't read this stuff anyways. when we were going out, and some time afterwards, i loved you because you were the perfect fulfillment of all the ideals i held true. i've matured a lot since then though, and now you just make me sad. you're so smart, sharp, up to date on your lame video game and internet lulz, have a good taste in music, but you just use people. you go from one person to the next using them till they give you who they are, then you check them off your list of people to be in with, dispose of them, and then expect them to be your friends afterwards. or at least you do that to people you date. blah blah blah, you don't take anything i say seriously anymore, and like i said, you probably don't read this.
none of you guys asked for any advice or "shoutout" or whatnot, but to be honest, one of the main reasons why people follow blogs are to check if they are referenced or talked about, so i'm sick of beating around the bush.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Heather Heather, We Belong Together. Like Sex And Violence. Like Death And Silence.



I think of myself as someone who is awkward in social situations, and only has a few friends, and is inconsiderate of other people's feelings. lately though, i've just been feeling the love of other people towards me, and it feels really great. i probably am not that awkward when talking to people i don't know too well, but i just really hate it, so i feel like because of that i act oddly. i went to a friend's bonfire last night, and i've hung out with the girl probably a total of three times. each time was pretty awesome, i.e. san francisco trip and drive up highway one, but there hasn't been much facetime, so i didn't think she liked me too much. well, two hours into the bonfire a friend of hers showed up and she introduced me to her. i know she had a shot of whisky and two beers in her, but she said that i was an amazing person and that i was really special and that her friend should remember how nice i am. the fact that those feelings lay dormant in her just really made me feel good. same thing with my sister lately. we don't really agree on ideals, and we probably got in our first real fight that lasted around three bitter months. well, when she came back to visit just a week ago, me and her talked everything out and we both got really angry again, but we actually worked everything out, and i feel like i have my sister again. it's awesome. and my best friend elijah bought me twenty bucks worth of xbox live points two days for absolutely no reason! i just love everyone, and i wished everyone could feel like i do, and know the people i know.
father's day was pretty great today. the three children took dad out to carpo's and then went to a shooting range afterwards. my dad said he was really proud of all of us, cause we were all so mature and independent (i realize he was talking to only rachel and josh then, but it still felt good that he directed that at all three of us), and that he's so happy he's our dad. it had been probably a year since i had last shot, but i wasn't as rusty as i thought i would be. it was funny, we bought shooting papers that had big zoombies on them. so, in essence, we were shooting at zombies. haha. my first shot was at seven yards, and i was aiming for his eye, and i hit the white of his eye. it felt really good. after josh and i had shot twelve rounds each at seven yards we did it at fifteen, and i wasn't as bad as i thought i was. the highlight was when we shot one handed at the zombie at fifteen feet. we were aiming for his teeth and i managed to hit his neck and cheek with two of the four shots. the zombie's name is chuck, and he's hanging on my wall now.
i can't wait to hang out with darya on tuesday and go up highway one. the plan is to leave at ten and go until we get to a place where we can buy lunch and find a good beach. we're bringing bathing suits just in case, and i'm bringing coffee in a thurmos for the drive. i wish i was lying on the sun caked sand right now, feeling my blood pooling and warming in my fingers. i don't know why, but i enjoy the ride to places sometimes more than the place itself. i just like sitting down, talking, and watching the world pass me by. hell, i enjoy doing that figuratively.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I Have Planned My Grand Attacks. I Will Stand Behind Their Backs With My Brand New Battle Axe And Will They Taste My Wrath.

Graduation day was one of the best days of my life. first off, i never have to go back to high-school, i got my hearing back when i shouted for my friends when they received their diplomas, i got to go to grad night with a bunch of my favorite people, i said what i wanted to say to all those people, i won an Ipod during the raffle, and i got the laptop i am typing on. so good.
I have been spending all my spare time this past week and two days playing the drums on rockband 2. i'm borrowing it from a friend and it's incredibly addicting. i beat every song on hard difficulty yesterday, and i started on expert today. it's starting to get pretty intense, and i feel like i'm actually becoming competent. i get to show off my skills tomorrow probably, because when the harbor friends congregate it seems like we always play rockband. i'm down.
i just realized how much i truly disliked someone from my past today. in fact, in the past two hours. she just uses people and it sickens me. she thinks she's so antisocial and that no one likes her, but everyone wants to hang out with her and she knows it. she can't be happy with what she has. or who she has for that matter. i'm sure whoever is reading this who's a girl is probably thinking, "is he talking about?" answer: YES!
i hung out with a kid a few days ago who i haven't chilled with for a while now, and i realize now why it's been so long. it's odd, he's a real nice person, and i wish the best for him, but i just can't stand him. i feel like he always talks about himself, and he can't concede anything he doesn't believe in, he talks the talk but it seems like he doesn't ever walk as well as he says as he can walk. he's just changed a lot these past few months cause he started smoking too much pot and i'm just over it, but he just keeps wanting to hang out with me. it seems like everyone who i don't want to hang out with want to hang out with me. i don't get it. that might sound narcissitic, and it probably is, and it isn't very true either, but that's what it has been feeling like lately.
i stole this from ansel adams but this is what i want my epitaph to be:
He lived for better or worse, but he died for good.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Something Filled Up, My Heart With Nothing. Someone Told Me Not To Cry.

My friend just gave me a live album of the arcade fire that i had never heard before, and it's awesome. there are new versions of songs that i love, like wake up and vampire forest fire, and they even play Born On A Train which is a cover of the magnetic fields! it's so incredible to learn that your favorite band listens and respects your other favorite band. let's just say i'm more than happy that my friend let me have the CD.
i wish 00 had finals every day, cause i love not having to go to school till 10:30. of course, i'm going to college next year, so i could just set up my schedule to be that way. woo.
the screening of all the best video production movies made, including the 20 minute one that our whole class was involved in, went very well. it was a hoot. only, having to watch the other class go first was utter agony. so for the class i was involved in, when we boiled down all our best movies there was 18 for the whole year. for the other class there were five, and three of them were complete crap. there was one sheriff one that i liked, but a lot of it was boring. i'm just happy that even though i joined during the second semester, i was in three of the 18 movies, and two of three i was the director. the 20 minute movie that geoff and i wrote the bulk of the screenplay for was definitely unfinished, and there were some parts i hung my head at because things were missing, but considering we got the assigning six weeks ago, and we ended with that was incredible. i'm actually really proud of it, and when i talked with people after the screening they understood the story and said they really enjoyed it. definitely getting an A in that class.
i got a pull up bar from a garage sale. time to get buff.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Come disconnect the dots with me poppet. It's so beautiful.

my ears. my ears. i have been sick since two wednesdays ago, which (if you count today) is 12 days long. i was bedridden for five days which, whenever i felt well enough, i would play the world ends with you. now it feels like i'm at the top of the hill you need to pass on your way from santa cruz to san jose. whenever i step on the ground, especially when my heels hit first, my ears pound (try and notice that the next time you step, cause maybe i never noticed before) and i can't hear the television unless the tv is way up, my ipod runs out of battery faster, and i can't hear my family talk when i chew my food. and it's been like this for twelve days straight. fluid is leaking out of my left ear, which i'm happy about, but it's annoying when it acts up during class. very annoying.
i made a mug for everyone in my family, and i just got them all back from the glaze kiln today. i'm so excited to give them to everyone, i hope they love them and use them everyday. all the handles of the cups were made with the same tool, so all the handle strips look the same, but each handle is different, as are the color of each cup. i hope rachel doesn't read this before i send hers in the mail for her birthday, because that would ruin the surprise. of course, if i really wanted to keep it secret then i wouldn't have written what i just did. oh well. agh, i've made so much art this year. photo and ceramics all year, and woodshop plus video production a semester each. i want to put it all in one big heap at the end of the school year and take a picture of it. i'm proud of a lot of it actually, and i realized i'm much more artistic than i believed. i'm not boasting cause i didn't think i had any talent at all. i want to be a potter now. i love it so much. whoever says it's relaxing obviously has never worked with clay before, so you shouldn't listen to them ever, cause it's a very tense art. you're whole body has to be stressed and still while making the pot. now, it's very relaxing and amazing once you're finished, or once you have left the studio, and you feel great about it, which is why i love it so much, but it's not relaxing while you're doing it. like a massage. kinda.
my brother found a three month xbox live subscription that was unused at the dump and it totally worked. i'm stoked. now i don't have to spend twenty bucks on something i wasn't sure i wanted to spend twenty bucks on to begin with.
our water boiler/tea maker thing doesn't automatically stop heating the water once it gets to a certain temperature anymore. it sucks. i was thinking though, and i guess it isn't a big deal, but i'm not sure. it originally heated our water to right when it boiled, but it keeps going right, but can't water only get to the heat of boiling? it if could get any hotter than boiling, that would mean that some water vapor is colder than water liquid, which is impossible, because if water only turns to vapor when it's molecular bonds can't hold themselves together because the atoms are moving so fast from the heat, and once they do that you can't heat it up anymore, because it has already turned into a vapor. i probably just confused you, but hopefully not. but then why does the water get hotter? is it because only the top portion of the water was boiling when it stopped originally, but now all of the water is getting boiling hot? or could it be the build up of hot water vapor that's released into the room when i open the water boiler when i'm making tea that makes the room only seem hotter? i guess it would have to be the first one, cause that makes sense. when you boil water for pasta or whatever, the water can't all get that hot at the same time, cause it takes a while for heat transfer to happen. and if it did all get boiling hot then the whole pot would be full of water one second, and then empty the next, which next happens. either way, we need a new one.
i learned yesterday that i made a mixed cd for someone a while ago, and they were listening to it with another person, and that other person asked my friend to make a copy of my mix because he liked it so much. for some reason that made me feel very good about myself. i love it when anyone listens to something you make them, or appreciate a good book that you recommend to them, or agree with you on a political outlook because you both came to the same logical conclusions the same way, or your friend likes the art you made them. it just feels good to be accepted sometimes, even if you know it's not that important.
i got a fortune cookie that said i would have ten million wives one day. today is not one day.