It wasn't meant to be

that's how you always reassure yourself after someone breaks up with you, or if you get fired from a job, or if you miss an opportunity. "Oh, well, i guess it wasn't meant to be." what if there isn't that perfect person that you're "meant to be" with? what if someone who might be perfect for you lives in Indonesia and you'll never ever meet them? What if you break up with the person who is perfect for you and you never get back together? what if there simply isn't someone who is perfect or even great for you? i don't think anyone is who you're meant to be with, and that you have to make the best choices you can given your circumstances.
Sometimes i imagine what would happen if i killed myself during class. Like, if i suddenly pulled a handgun from my pocket and shot myself from my forehead to the back of my head, blood would splatter all over the person behind me. would that person be traumatized, would he need therapy, would he tell people when he was older of the day when brains were splattered all over his face? or what if i were to slit my throat and start bleeding all over the girl to my lefts paper. would she scream, would she faint, would she call for help, or would she hold me in her arms as i died? what would happen if i stood up shotgun in the middle of class and told the whole class to strip down naked, maybe shoot a few of them, and then blow my own head off, what would be the insurance implications, would the NRA get in trouble, would someone in Nebraska get an idea in his head and decide to do it too? by the time i consider all the events that might arise from all this suicidal events the class is usually over.
if god helps you do things, does that mean without him you couldn't do them? what if you want to do everything by yourself, including without God's assistance? If he can help you do something, but without him you wouldn't be able to do it, doesn't that mean that he prohibits you from doing good things? if someone enables you to do something, and without him he disables you, is that the same thing as stopping you?...maybe the fact that you couldn't do the things without his help just means that we can do things that are good, but with him we can do things that are great. why shouldn't we be able to great things by ourselves though. because we aren't God. I want to be God! what is the purpose of life? To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool.
Simple Pleasures: having shampoo and conditioner, red/orange/yellow leaves on a tree, reading the last page of a long book, finding exactly what you were looking for at the bargain barn, all your electronics being fully charged or with brand new batteries in them, getting to the pokemon center only one more step away from poison killing your last pokemon, headshots, dings, rolling a 20, cracking every single knuckle, catching food in your mouth that you throw high into the air after you say "watch this" to a friend.