Sunday, October 25, 2009

Why Linger With The Ocean And Sky? And All He Said, "I Can't Breath For You, Or Laugh."

You hear about these villages, filled with these people. simple folk with simple lives. no electricity, no soda, no fluffy mattresses. they grow their own food, raise their meat, it's all manual. I used to think i couldn't ever live in a place like that. i think i was supposed to be born in a place like this. although there is the stress of whether your crops won't yield a sufficient harvest, or other such problems, it sounds like a great life. i wouldn't want to be isolated, i would prefer to have a wife and kids, and possibly a neighbor or two, but not ones whose house i could see from mine. i just get stressed when having to deal with typical societal problems. everyone wants to scam you, exert as much power as they can over you, talk talk talk to you. can't anyone just listen for once? all i do is listen to everyone, i never stop asking them questions. sure, i do find what you're going through interesting, but why don't you ever ask me what's going on with me? and no, only asking me one question, listening to me for a few sentences, and then relating what i said to something that has happened to you, which you go on a 30 minute tangent for, doesn't count as including me. now, if i were a normal, stupid person, i would typically start doubting myself and saying, "well, isn't it selfish to want to start talking about me?" but only self-loathing, unsure-about-themselves, sad people say that. people consider themselves my friends, when all we do is talk about them. and of course, i'll listen. i always listen. what else is there to do? i just want to live with a woman, growing my own food, in the woods. i don't want to be completely cut-off, i would be fine with visiting society, even for entire weekends, i just don't want to be emersed, day-in day-out, in it. because, society, in and of itself isn't a bad thing, for i enjoy many things about it, i just wish i could detatch a bit from it, at least for a while.
i can't stand people who hate themselves. it gets so boring. it's all the same really, just get over it. yes, it's a part of growing up, but that "depression" stage is only suppose to last till your 16. wahh, you won't be the next Tesla, get over it. is it important that anyone remembers you when you die? will you know if anyone remembers you? no, so stop being so sad about how unimportant you are and just live life. it's such a beautiful thing.
i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore. one of the main things i would miss about removing myself from society is listening to music. i can't imagine a life where i couldn't listen to all my favorite bands. humans have learned to live in concentration camps though, so i'm sure i would get by.
i saw birds fled from me yesterday, and it was one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. the show was only an hour or so long, but when it was over, i had to go for a walk. i just had to move, i was so excited. i turned on the smiths and started singing along to the lyrics, not caring if people on the street heard me. i've been doing that a lot recently, or at least whenever i walk to and from school. anyways, the show was great. and here's the funniest thing about it, no one that i knew went! i didn't recognize anyone there. i don't understand, i feel like everyone is a poser (or should i say phony, :P) around here. i mean, if you're sick or doing something else, like, whatever, but everyone talks about how they want to do real things, and hang out with real people. but no one. does. anything. ever. at least that's what. it feels. like. i don.t. know. it'. just. get's really. annoying whe.n people stay home all day.. and complain about how the world doesn'. t. do exactly what the person wants it. todo. and how they want to m.ove away. far away. but they don.t actual.ly take anyy.. steps tow......ard acheiving tha.t goal. and i hope you're seeing. the iron-ee. in all this. because i couldn.t.t.t.t. be any more blatant really.
arbeit macht frei

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

People Come And Go, And Forget To Close The Door, And They Leave Their Stains And Cigarette Butts Trampled On The Floor.

Whatever happened to people leaving comments on blogs. i never do it, so i guess i'm not one to talk.
chilling with the right people=good. ceramics=good. jazz=good. english=bad. books=good.

Monday, October 12, 2009

In My Life, Why Do I Give Valuable Time To People Who Don't Care If I, If I Die?

Who gets to see Morrissey on November 30th with her sister?! this guy! so stoked. unbelievably stoked. i'm skipping some school for it, i don't even care. it's gonna be in Portland, where my sister lives, so that should be cool to visit there. seriously though, now i have another thing to wait for. fuuuuuuck.
Darya was suppose to cut my hair yesterday, but she didn't follow through with the plans we made (wish i could say that was out of the ordinary), so now my hair is still all crazy. i'm actually starting to like the length, even though i told myself i would never let it get long again, but it's been so long since someone cut it that it just looks too out of control. i think i look better with short hair, i especially look more masculine (which is good), but at the same time my hair is finally starting to fall down by the sheer weight of the hair, which looks cool (hooray for run-on sentences (and-unnecesarry-hyphens)). consice sentences, fuck dat shiz.
i'm excited about my pottery. my skills are really coming along, to the point where i'm actually proud to say that my work is mine. the people in my class are crazy assssss bitches at pottery though. i mean, there are some 60-somethings in my class who have been doing pottery their whole lives, and the stuff they make is incredible. the carvings they make into their pots look like a machine did it in how perfect the curves and lines are. but yah, i'm getting pretty good. i made some okay mugs during high-school, but the mugs you could buy at starbucks were better. now, my mugs are better than the ones they sell at starbucks, which makes me happy. progress!
that's all.
I'M SEEING MORRISSEY!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Does The Body Rule The Mind Or Does The Mind Rule The Body ? I Don´t Know...

i can't stand waiting anymore. i feel like all i do is wait for everything. why does everything worthwhile have to take so long? guh.
i've been on a real smiths kick. i've been only listening to them for the past two days. and i'm still not sick of them. the only bummer is i downloaded their discography, but am listening to all their songs on shuffle. so, starting tomorrow i'm gonna listen to the actual albums how they were intended to be listened to. starting with strangeways, here we come, because apparently it's really good. i just love the queen is dead and their self-titled albums so much.
i have no one or anything to take pictures of. life has been so boring lately. i haven't hung out with anyone i've wanted to hang out with for days. i got sushi with gabby yesterday, which would've been amazing, cause i was gonna ask if i could take pictures of her, but then this other guy named mark tagged along and ruined it all. i mean, he was fine and interesting and whatever, but the dynamic shifted. and i didn't want to take any pictures of him.
i wish i could go to my ceramics class tomorrow, it's so much fun. i don't have work till 1, but the ceramic studio is open on fridays from 1 to 4. so inconvenient! it takes me so much longer to do my pots and decorating than everyone else. god, i know i'm in college now, and people have probably taken the class multiple times, but some of these people are KRAZY good. i'm very jealous. gotta keep practicing.
i need something new. i don't know what, but my body is telling me i need change. i need new people, new lifestyles, new activities. i've been feeling anxious week after week for the past few whiles, and i'm starting to think it's how i'm living my life. it's aimless. i need a purpose, and i need one soon.